Delegate's Corner

“This, Too, Shall Pass”

I hope everyone is safe and well during this difficult time. And I hope everyone has found meetings that adapted to the current situation by moving to alternate means of meeting. Right now we have many groups using meeting alternatives, like teleconferencing and video conferencing. (See notes on this webpage for more information).

I have been taking full advantage of this and have added extra meetings to my regular schedule. Meetings that I may not have had the opportunity to visit otherwise are now available to me by clicking a few buttons. People whom I have not seen in a while are now joining in my regular meetings. It’s truly wonderful to share a meeting with old friends and to meet new ones as well.

When this self-quarantine practice began, I was concerned about isolation and my tendency towards depression. I was afraid that without the social stimulation of my meetings that my depression might start creeping back. But I am pleased and grateful to report that I feel connected to my Al-Anon family because of the online meetings I am attending. Thank you, everyone, for keeping our meetings alive and vibrant.

My regular practice of daily prayer and meditation, along with daily reading of our literature, is a vital part of my keeping myself well during this time. One selection from our CAL, Courage to Change, March 17, page 77, has been particularly helpful to me in recent days. It begins: “No problem lasts forever. No matter how permanently fixed in the center of our lives it may seem, whatever we experience in this ever-changing life is sure to pass.”

This reminder of “this, too, will pass,” helps me remember my past experiences with dark times in my life. While in the midst of them, they felt overwhelmingly dominant. I can look back on them now and see how this truth played out in my life. They did pass. Better times did come. And looking back now, I can detect the presence of my Higher Power during those bleak days, even though I was not always able to feel it then.

The reading also points out some cause for hope: “Difficult situations often bring out qualities in us that otherwise might not have risen to the surface, such as courage, faith, and our need for one another.” I know that in my early days in program, those qualities were not very evident in me. I don’t think I had much faith in anyone or anything but my own abilities, which I knew were limited. Today I can honestly say that I have found faith: in people’s goodness, in the wisdom of the program, and in the Higher Power’s love for me. This has been a true gift of the program.

I can now freely admit my need for connectedness to others. This had always been an area that caused me trepidation. I wanted to be close to others, but I feared it, because of many painful experiences in my past. Our program taught me how to relearn trust, first in my ability to listen to my intuition about who was trustworthy and who was not. This relearning came from sitting in meetings, listening, and learning that I could trust our collective wisdom and truth. From this came the courage to start trusting in the Higher Power, gingerly at first. Now I know that I can trust my Higher Power with confidence. And I can trust myself to discern who is trustworthy and to what degree. I no longer fear trusting people.

The reading states: “Let us share our losses and triumphs with each other, for that is how we gather courage.” I am sharing this with you as my example of a triumph. That I can face my fears about this virus – I am one of those considered "high-risk" – and my fears about the attendant self-isolation – I am an extrovert who needs the stimulation of being around others to recharge my batteries and avoid slipping into depression. I am practicing courage, as the reading points out. How amazing is that?

Check out this reading, or any of the many, many we have to choose from. Choose one that speaks to you today. Find a virtual meeting. Take advantage of all the program has to offer you. Work your program. Talk to your sponsor. If you don’t have one, get one. Take a risk and ask someone. You never know, they might say yes. Pray. Meditate. Read CAL.

Find meeting alternative information here on this page. Visit the two Service Center’s websites for local meeting info. Order any CAL you may want from them.

And go to meetings. See you online.

Your Virginia Area Delegate to the World Service Conference,
Terry W.
April 2020

Happy New Year to all my Al-Anon family!

This year’s World Service Conference theme is ‘Dreaming Big with 20/20 Vision.’ As this new year begins and I look ahead to what I would like to accomplish in the upcoming year, I have been thinking about what does dreaming big mean for me personally. I tend to be very goal oriented and am big on organizing myself and my ‘to do’ lists. In some areas of my life I am more successful with this than in others.

I frequently encounter the problem of being so involved in the urgencies of daily living that I give short attention to longer term goals, such as deepening my spiritual life. Our program gives us good guidelines for daily living – daily prayer and meditation and daily reading of our literature. I am fairly consistent at doing this, at least in a ‘to do’ list manner. But I sometimes am dismayed at the lack of depth I give this vital practice. My prayer and meditation time can become a little dry and mechanical, certainly not the true spiritual experience our literature writes about. I know from personal experience how different it feels when I make myself truly open and vulnerable during my prayer and meditation time. Often, I find my prayers are mere lists and my meditation time is short and mostly just trying to quiet my mind, no small task for me. I have a mind that races. When I do take the time and make the intention to be truly open to my Higher Power, I have a very different experience. My emotions are engaged. Sometimes tears flow, even when I don’t know what I am crying about. Sometimes I have a moment of peace and joy, a true connection with my Higher Power. Those times are rare though. I want more of those rare times.

So, how I am going to get more? I know from long experience in working the program, ‘it works if I work it.’ What Al-Anon tools will best get me what I am seeking? I have always found that if in doubt, drop back to the basics of the program – attend more meetings, use the Slogans and apply the Steps.

“First things first.”
That has always been a valuable slogan for me. I tend to make things way more complicated than they need to be, so I use this slogan to remind me of the wisdom of simplicity. I believe my spiritual life is essential, so why do I give it less time than some other things in my life that are less important to that ‘dreaming big’ idea in actual practice? Focusing on the idea of ‘dreaming big’ may help me put the big stuff, like my spiritual life, first, rather than way down the list.

“Progress, not perfection.”
This is another slogan that I use a lot, because I am very hard on myself for not doing better at whatever it is I am doing. My default practice is to look at what’s wrong, what needs improvement, or what’s lacking, rather than looking for signs of progress. This slogan helps me lighten up on myself and give myself some credit for whatever progress I am making. Since deepening my spiritual life is going to be a lifelong practice, I can use this slogan to help me take a broader view of my progress. If I look at where I was spiritually when I first entered our program – I had no spiritual life and didn’t believe the God of my understanding was all that interested in me personally – I can see I have come a long way since then. Now I do believe that the Higher Power has been always there for me, I just did not have eyes to see, or more accurately, did not know how to open myself to connect emotionally with HP. So deepening my connection with my Higher Power is going to be a matter of degree.

Use of these Slogans leads me to look at which Steps will help me here. Step 10 states, “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” I rely on this Step to keep me on the right path. I feel this Step reiterates the daily nature of our program. For me, who came into this program looking for instant solutions to solve an immediate problem, and was not looking for a change in my life path, I need constant reinforcement that as I live daily, I recover daily. What I do on a daily basis matters. How I see myself, what I tell myself, on a daily basis, matters. And how I communicate with my Higher Power, on a daily basis, matters. Of course, continuing to take a personal inventory is dependent on having done a Step 4.

Here at the beginning a new year, I cannot foresee what will be coming as this year progresses. So, I am reserving for myself the right to make changes and corrections in my plans as the year unfolds. I’m back to the ‘Progress, not perfection’ idea. Giving myself permission to adapt as circumstances change, as I change, makes me feel more relaxed. When I try to make absolutes, I set myself up for failure. My ability to live up to my expectations fluctuates. My energy level goes up and down. My moods can be unpredictable and so can my resolve. I think for me to ‘dream big’ I have to have some wiggle room and train myself to take a longer view and not let momentary slips and lapses cloud the bigger view.

I have shared some of my big dreams for 2020 with you, so now I ask you, what big dreams are you dreaming for your 2020? I invite you to dream big for the year ahead and look to our program for the tools and the support you need to make your big dreams a reality. I am planning to update my Delegate’s Corner posting, from time to time, with my progress and my shortcomings. If you would care to share your big dreams with me, please email me at delegate@vaalanon.org. With your permission, maybe I can post a few of your 2020 big dreams here as well. I look forward to hearing from you in the new year.

Terry W.
January 12, 2020